To the People Who Don't Like the Swearing In My Book.

***Yesterday, something bad happened, that wasn't associated with anyone who reads this blog, and because of that, my feelings were hurt, and I commented on it here. I appreciate so much the support from my Proser family, and the discussion this post added. Interesting, interesting stuff.

But I want to defend my friends and family. All the people I've mentioned, picked up my book because of my name on the cover. That's the only reason why they bought it. Some of them bought it outside their normal reading zone, and I am beyond thankful that the love me enough to know that this is important, and they put their cash down to support me. Then they actually read the book. That is true service for an author, and all we can ask of anyone.
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My book made them feel uncomfortable. My book went beyond their line of comfort, and so when I asked what they thought of it, they weren't giving me a look of shame, I think they were giving me a look of "It made me uncomfortable, but I love you, and I don't know what to say."

These are amazing kind people. And I got my feelings hurt, and lashed out at them.

I'm truly, truly, sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings. Especially if these are people who had hurt feelings after showing me love.

I should have warned these people who I know well enough to know they'd feel uncomfortable, so that they'd have the choice to read it. I promise from this point onward, that I will be forthright and let people know exactly what's in my books before unleashing them on you.

Everyone has a line of decency. We can't cater to all lines, but we have to cater to our own. And then we have to be comfortable with the fact that someone out there, maybe even someone we love, and whose approval we crave, may not approve.

I'm not going to stop writing with honesty.

But I will accept all honesty back, with a loving and forgiving heart.

Thank you. To the people who didn't like the swearing in my book, but still like me anyway, thank you for your support. Whatever you feel comfortable giving, that's enough.

***


I've heard my mom swear before.

We were in our car, a few miliseconds before we slammed into the car in front of us. She had her hand over my shoulder to protect me, and a swear word popped out.

I use bad words.

I've heard my friends swear before. Actually several times before. One friend swore as I stood in front of her door while she yelled at her children. I knocked. She opened the door with a smile, and I pretended I couldn't hear anything.

I've heard my mother-in-law swear before. It was an accident. One of those times when you mean to say one word, but then accidentally say a different word. It was hilarious. Everyone in my husband's family was there, and we all busted out laughing.

We all swear. Some of us with more shame than others. I have to tell you, that I don't care if you swear. They're just words. A collection of syllables. My two year-old swears every time I tell him to sit. He's just trying to repeat my words, and I don't make a big deal out of it.

Yet somehow, the seven swear words in Alchemy are the only thing any of my friends or family can talk about.

Here's the conversation;

Beautiful family member: "I'm reading your book."

Me: "Oh, what do you think?"

Beautiful family member: The look of shame. "There's a lot of swearing."

Every time. That's the conversation. "I don't like the swearing." "I really had issue with this one word." "I liked it, but I can't let my teenagers read it because of all the swearing."

To be clear, there's not a lot of swearing. There's seven swear words in the entire 120,000 word book, and every one of those swear words can be found inside the bible.

I think it's the look of shame that accompany the words that hurts the most. It's the, "I really liked your book, but you should be embarrassed by those seven words. I'm embarrassed to know you."

I hear those words in the quick change of subject afterwords, or complete absence of subject. Even as I bring it up. Repeatedly.

Me: "Here's my soul and my spirit in book form. What do you think?"

Them: Look of shame. Empty silence that is so full of words. Words that sound like this: "I really liked it, but I can't share it with the teenagers who I know would like it, because someone should protect them from the horrors of minor swearing...because the teenagers I know NEVER swear. Or even if they do, I want them to know that it's not okay, that the words they say aren't okay, and they need to pretend, like I do, that they are perfect person. Otherwise there's no way they'll ever be look like they're happy. And I just want people to be  look happy. All people except for you. You who just had her heart dismantled because I weighed, measured, and judged you inappropriate because of the seven words you didn't say."

Oh yes, maybe this is important. I didn't swear in the book.

Maybe it's the fact that I was the only one of us who DIDN'T swear, so people feel safe to judge or criticize these girls who've become the other half of my brain.

Or maybe this is just me. Maybe it's just my corner of this world. Sabrina and Melanie have not seen or heard the look of shame. Maybe it's the soul crushing need for perfection, and to have someone they know admit imperfection in print reflects on them, and that isn't fair. Books last forever. My children are going to read this. One day they might be ashamed of the words I didn't write.

A real book

Why are these arrangement of letters more imperfect and damning, then the steamy kissing scenes? No one has complained about the kissing scenes. Why is it, when I was in High School, we had to edit out all the swear words in our school plays, but could drink *alcohol, cheat on wives, commit suicide, or play strippers? And that was in just one season of shows.  It's in a celebratory LDS meme I wish I could have found about The Hunger Games that talks about how it never swore once. Yes, there are children killing other children in the most grizzly way possible, but no one said fudge, so it's okay.

It's in the fact that Orson Scott Card, Stephenie Meyer, and Anita Stansfield, have all sworn inside their books, but because these Mormon writers were successful, it's okay. While our tiny book hasn't exploded yet, (wait for it) so it's fine to criticize me to my face about my lack of morals, and how I don't live up to my Mormon standards. It's about how if enough people like something, then the rules change, because the standard of morality isn't based on what's good or what's bad, but on what people think. And people... I mean, People, have decided that these few arrangement of letters and sounds, are shameful. You know, unless enough people like it. Then it's fine.

If you are one of the people who don't like the swearing in Alchemy, please know that I respect you. Thank you so much for reading our book, and for supporting me. I probably should have warned you, and I'm sorry I didn't.

We're only human. Please be my friend, close the door, and smile. Pretend you didn't hear anything, the way you'd want me to if I'd walked by your house on an off day. See who I am beyond seven words.

Everyone swears. Some with more shame than others.

Books should be a place where you can be real without shame.  Books can be a place for the imperfect, the interesting, and the inspiring. Books can give a voice to those who don't have one, and sometimes, those voices swear. Especially on an off day.

Books are about off days.

If you agree with any of my comments, please check out the book.

Alchemy is 99 cents right now, and if enough people support the 119, 993 words that aren't swear words, then you can help me silence the shame of those seven words I didn't write. If enough people like it, then it'll be okay for the people who love me to support me.

I want to know what you think. Why is swearing more easily criticized, then kissing, violence, or murder?
~Sheena

 Sheena Boekweg is the author of  Funny Tragic Crazy Magic  (which doesn't have any swear words in it) and the coauthor of Alchemy (which does). 

* ginger ale in a wineglass

The Power of Profanity.

Do what mom says, not what mom says.

Full discloser, the first word my five month old heard was a swear word, and it was coming from the cheap seats.

But other than when I’m in the middle of natural childbirth, or about to be in a car crash, or really angry at my husband, I hardly ever swear. I can go years between swear words.

I choose not to swear on a daily basis, because then I when I do swear, it’s clear as all heck that I’m serious. 

My husband knows to go do the dishes… stat.

Swearing is like using an exclamation point. If you exclaim too much, then people will think you are insane. Nobody is that enthusiastic in real life. 

Holy pow, batman!

I really think so!!!!!

(shuddering)

The sad thing is, that the more you see the exclamation point, the more you don't see it. And then, the less you see it, the more likely it is that you too will sign things on facebook with a billion exclamation points, or even worse... the colon parenthesis that is a smiling substitute.

:)

Creepy.

Swearing is just like that. The more you hear it, or see it, the more likely it is that you too will start using it. That's just a fact that all mom's know, which is why when you write for MG, like I do, you have to watch the swearing. Moms buy the books. And not all mom's swear at their five second old infant, like... some people do.

Orson Scott Card agree's with me. He wrote that the more you swear, the more you limit your audience.

After all, you don’t see a High School or a Community Theater putting on a David Mamet play.

On the other hand, Stephen King writes about the importance of writing honestly. How do you write dialog that rings true, if you are embarrassed to use words because someone might not approve of them? People do swear.  If we want to create characters that are true, that are real, that become friends to the reader, then you should write them as truthfully as you can. If a character really would swear... then that character should swear.

I think the answer is to just write the first word that comes to mind. And then in editing, consider if the word is worth the price.

There's a cost, of course for losing the honesty that the first drafted word gives, but consider that sometimes the first word that comes to mind is difficult to spell, and if you are like me, you edit it out anyway.

Like the above somewhat humorous picture implies, most words could be substituted with another without any dire consequence to the story or to the world.

Mark Twain said, “The difference between the right word and the almost-right word is the difference between the lightning and the lightning-bug.” And, to an extent, I agree with that quote a hundred percent…

For certain words.

But not all words are created equal. Not all words are as powerful as lightning, or as magical as a lightning bug. Some words, like the word THE, or AND, are invisible words. They are not powerful, because they are used so often your eyes glaze past them unaware.

Could you tell me how many times I’ve used the word THE in this post? I could, but I’m not going to count them all. I have books to read.

Do you really want to diminish the power of your words by using your strongest words too often?

Swear words are automatically powerful words. These shame-filled words are instruments of rebellion. These words aren’t just made of letters, they are made with memories of the taste of soap, or shadowed hallways, or explosive fighting moments. These words have power. These words can add to the power of your story even BY NOT USING THEM, or by using them sparingly. 

Consider, for example a character who never swears, perhaps a soldier who is teased by the men at arms for his schoolmarm vocabulary. What if you spend some 40,000 words establishing this character who doesn’t swear, and then put him in danger and then let him swear. 

Once.

Swear words are just words. But they are also tools, and as a writer all words are your tools. Some words are like hammers or screwdrivers, and are fit for everyone, and others are more like chainsaws, and should be used carefully, and for a reason.

I think every word should fight to be there. Some words don’t fight fair, so it’s our job, as writers, to keep the words in line.

Just don’t tell my mom if... let's be serious...WHEN I swear.

~Sheena