How to Write Kissing Scenes that ROCK!

Oh my gosh I'm so excited. I have never felt so well prepared for a blog topic ever. I have studied this subject extensively, and have so many opinions, because to me, plot is just the stuff that happens between kissing scenes.

So...How to write kissing scenes that ROCK!

Step 1. Make a couple that rocks. You can write a good kissing scene between a doomed couple, but a kissing scene only ROCKS if the reader believes in them. Which means they should be able to communicate like humans long before they lock lips. This couple should sacrifice for each other, long for each other, and complete each other - one character's strength balancing out another's weakness, etc. 

Step 2. Conflict. There should be a reason why they aren't kissing. And the stronger the force pushing them apart, the more you can show the longing and the desire to be together, so make it a good Conflict. Make it impossible. Make the reader doubt that it will happen.

Step 3. Time. They need to long for each other way before their lips meet. They need to earn an awesome kissing scene, and that takes effort, pain, sacrifice, and time. And not just for the characters...I'm actually talking about the readers. The readers need to be invested, which means they need to make a sacrifice, they need to be emotionally connected to these characters, and it needs to happen later on in the book, so the reader has invested their time in a couple.  If a kissing scene isn't working, then maybe it's just too soon. Just don't wait too long, because that also is a thing.

I went through this with my book The Waxling. I wrote the scene where Ari and Henry get together way too soon, and it didn't work for any of the beta readers. So I changed it into a fight scene, where Ari and Henry break up instead, and it works so much better. The longing to be together is still there. I remember where they kissed, and the point in the conversation, if they were just brave enough to say what they were feeling, they would be making out is, so there is an undercurrent of loss through out the fight that really works.

I think ninety nine percent of the work that goes into a good kissing scene happens before the kiss.

Once they've earned the moment, and the reader believes in the couple, and their longing for each other is bigger than the conflict that is standing between them, then you have a kissing scene that really works.

Now you just have to write it.

Tips for writing the scene itself.

1. Turn down the voice in your head that gets embarrassed, but don't turn it off. A good kissing scene can get weird easily, and so try to keep a weird meter running while writing it.

2. Remember the senses, but you don't need to use all of them. I don't need to know the sound of a kiss. Gross I tells ya. I don't want to read about it. But the reader needs to know what is actually happening, and what it feels like. They've put the work in with the couple, and you can give them a few details to make it special. Go in close for the POV. Notice the smell of the girl's perfume, the taste of orange juice on lips, the rough stubble, or soft skin, increased heartbeat, etc. 

3, Remember the setting. There are a lot of kisses in the world, and two people  kissing can feel unspecial. One kiss can blend in with another, so don't forget what makes your couple special, and remind the reader of that while in the scene. Choose the location, setting, and moment of the kiss in a way that it reminds the reader of the struggle to get there. 

This is an example of a kiss that really works because of the use of setting, and even the theme of the story. Start at 1:30. 

 I also love how in that kiss, you can see him waiting, and wondering, and oh my gosh James McAvoy is adorable, and once he knows it's her, he doesn't wait. He is done waiting and runs to her. It's adorable.  

So while you are zoomed in close for the moment, don't forget to show the whole picture, because otherwise they are just giant heads.

4. Remember the moment BEFORE the kiss, and give it time. There's fear before a kiss, awkwardness, longing, and something special, so whatever you do don't forget to take a breath beforehand, or not have time to have a breath so all those stomach clenching moments happen so fast it makes the kiss itself sparks fire.

5. Remember the moment AFTER the kiss. This is a real pet peeve of mine, but you got to remember to pull back, or to have an awkward smile, or a consequence to the kiss. I hate when you have a kissing scene, and then they start talking, and as a reader you're like..."wait when did the kiss end?"

 A good kiss is like a good story, it has to have a beginning, a middle, and an end.

This clip is a good example of a powerful beginning, middle, and end. Also James McAvoy. 

6. Remember the fear. Every good kiss is a risk. To love at all is to be vulnerable, so don't lose the heart pounding vulnerability in favor of steam. And don't forget also the character's age and experience.  Pet peeve number two, is when a character is acting out of character just for a kiss. You get invested in characters being together, so don't forget to invite them to show up. 

7. Less is more. Sometimes yes, you need every sense and every moment of a kiss, but sometimes, you simply don't. If you've done the work before the scene well, then you don't need every moment for the reader to get it. Sometimes simple is the best policy.

This is a non James McAvoy example. This is from The Waxling, which will be coming out, you know, sometime, whenever. This is near the end, after Henry and Ari have struggled and longed and earned each other. Henry writes a letter and finally tells Ari he loves her, and then a disaster happens, and they work together to solve it, and he keeps asking her if she got his letter, because he doesn't know what her reaction will be, and she's terrified, and keeps changing the subject. Then once the disaster is solved, this happens.

I clutched the folds of my nightgown between my fists. “I got your letter,” I said to him. Sarah took three steps forward without us. Henry swallowed, his jaw tense.

“And?”

I let out a breath. “I read it four times.”

The terror didn’t leave his eyes. “And?” 

I smiled. 

And then Henry Johnson, the boy who sat with me, and painted for me, and found me, ignored my parent’s watching, and the council members, and the Singers, and he put his hand around my cheek, and he kissed me like he’d waited his whole life to do it.

Oh my gosh it's so cute. It probably only works for me, because I've read all the work I've done, and I know what "sat with me," and "painted for me," and "found me" means to Ari, (You'll have to read it to get the full toe curling experience) but it works in one sentence, without any taste or touch or embarrassingly too personal moments. When you go less, the reader gets to imagine their own moment, and that gives them ownership of it. 

Which of course is the goal and secret to a kissing scene that rocks. It has to rock for the reader. Remember them. Their reaction and experience is more important then the character's reaction and experience.

Or you can just cast James McAvoy or Benedict Cumberbatch. That will also do it.

~Sheena Boekweg

The Complete Guide To Kissing

#147712206 / gettyimages.com

If you search this blog using the terms “Melanie” and “kissing” or “romance” you’ll see that I’m something of an expert on the fine art of kissing...at least in my own mind.

There is the Is This A Kissing Book? post from 2012.

AND a five part series on how to create romantic subplots:

Rule #1: An exciting story should drive your plot, not the romance

Rule #2: For their love to be believable, your characters need a genuine history. In fact, your characters need memories with each other that the reader doesn't share.

Rule #3: A story without internal and external conflict isn't really a story at all. To make a love story sizzle, forces should combine to keep your characters apart, BUT other forces should combine to compel them to be together.

Rule #4: Create romantic tension.

Rule #5: A genuine respect/friendship

Back in 2003, I wrote a post called K is for Kissing for the A-Z Challenge.

Nothing lately though. Don’t ask me why…maybe because I’m in the middle of writing MY FAVORITE romantic subplot ever, and so I don’t feel the need to lecture everyone ad infinitum about how to do it. Whatever the reason, I can’t think of much about kissing that I haven’t said before.

Except this. Never forget this:

• Don't bite his face, Eleanor told herself. It's disturbing and needy and never happens in situation comedies or movies that end with big kisses. (from eleanor and park...the quintessential guide to real kisses)

And of course, Albert Einstein was a well known expert on kissing:

• Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, that reminds me of Ray Bradbury...ugh. I couldn't find it. But there's that scene somewhere where the woman kisses an alien, and it's so perfect, because he's not thinking of anything except kissing her...does anyone know what I'm talking about??

What are your favorite quotes about kissing?

Kissing an Alien

Think of the planet Earth. Think about kissing on the planet Earth. There are almost 200 countries on this planet and each one has different attitudes and approaches to kissing. Kissing in public ranges from being very common, to absolutely illegal.

So how should you handle it in your science fiction?

Any way you want – but make it interesting.

Kissing is a great opportunity for world building. If you're writing a first contact story, who is the first to try kissing the new alien species? What happens and what are the consequences? The person could die by toxin, or because they broke some law. Or maybe an alien kiss is the greatest high ever and it becomes a challenge to see how many aliens you can get to kiss you. Maybe the person is ostracized, or maybe just teased. These things give you the chance to not only display your society, but your character's true nature as well.

And this works both ways. You can tell the story from the alien's pov as well. If you were an alien, what would it be like smooching a human for the first time?

Even if it's not a first time, there's a huge realm of possibilities. Alien A loves Alien B but their pieces don't fit together, even for kissing. Maybe kissing causes the alien to teleport. Wouldn't that be a bummer? A society could have an entire cleansing ritual before kissing was allowed. Take a bath? No problem – except the bath is in sulfuric acid.

An alien's kiss could be addictive. Imagine a whole slave trade where the slaves are kept in line because they're dying for a kiss from their master. Or those aliens are simply the most successful drug lords ever. Flip the idea and you have aliens being kidnapped and held prisoner for the narcotic effects of their kiss.

The consequence of kissing aliens doesn't have to be the entire focus of your story, but it can add a unique layer of conflict and possibility. It will add richness to your society and can be one more hurdle you throw in the path of your protagonist.

So don't waste an opportunity. Make your kissing scenes with aliens exciting, or dangerous, or funny. Above all, make them interesting.

Ewww - Kissing!

 So with where I appear in the Prosers publication cycle, when we decide on a new theme to use, I get to debut it. Isn’t that fabulous? OR, it could be the other ladies decide to use me as a guinea pig and if my post flops/makes no sense they go in completely different directions? Hmm….<contemplates my fellow prosers posting habits carefully.>

AT ANY RATE – this cycle, we got chatting about romance in novels, and particularly KISSING. Although some Prosers may take this theme and talk about romance and conflict in romantic plots more generally, I plan to talk about kissing. Who doesn’t like to talk about kissing, right?

Well, I’ll be honest. This mother of a thirteen year old does not always like to talk about kissing. The older my kids get and more likely to experience the kinds of things I write into my books, the more my heart lurches as the idea of them having these kinds of experiences! Putting aside the existential-angst-by-proxy of imagining my babies EVER entangled romantically with other folks, though, I will focus more on how and what I do about romance (and KISSING) in my YA and MG stories.

First, here’s my philosophy as a mother, woman, writer, and massive reader of YA and MG stories. I think middle grade books sometimes over-emphasize romantic subplots. I think it’s realistic to include crushes and boys/girls thinking about (obsessing about?) each other, but to go beyond hand-holding or chaste kisses is wrong, IMHO. That’s not the kind of thing I want my own tweens thinking is normal for kids their age, and kids base a lot of what they think is normal/acceptable behavior off what they read in these kinds of books. Plus it's not all that reflective of the real inner lives of 11 and 12 year olds. 

These two share one of the bigger big-screen kisses of recent memory.

In YA books, which are meant for teens, I think some amount of heart-racing is appropriate. But I really don’t want my kids having sex. This is where I diverge from many popular YA titles in, as there’s quite a bit of sex in YA. In many popular series’, the sex is done in a “fade to black” way. That’s a better way of handling it than crossing over into erotica, but since most kids “read up” (as they age kids always want to read about kids that little bit older than themselves) it’s a source of frustration. I am not sure I want my 12 year old reading about 16 year olds having sex. Then again, for many writers it seems to be the only way they can figure out how to culminate romantic plots. It’s the “will they or won’t they” question. The last Divergent book stands out to me as an example.

I feel that this sort of thing is an easy way out. It’s like the idea of killing off the parents (also a technique Divergent used) as a way to up the stakes for the characters in a YA or MG book. It frustrates me. I’d rather see the difficult work of portraying a changing relationship between tween/teen and his/her parents than the author just arbitrarily offing the parents to remove them from the scene, to up the stakes for the MC, and to make it so the MC has to take all the actions in the book (not get “saved” by adults in the story.) Fair points, but again feels a bit like a cheat to me.

I think I need some examples to help illustrate.

First, from my own novel, CONVERGENCE, here’s the bit at the end where the two main characters kiss. It’s a YA novel and this is the only kissing, though there’s some heart-flutters earlier.

Her arm felt like it was on fire. From this close angle, Anya could look directly into his eyes. Her voice was hoarse. "You have to feel that, too." 

Bruce didn't say anything, but nodded, still looking at her, still holding onto her arm.
"I'd like to, you know, like, try out something a little more than friends." Anya said, clearing her throat. 

Bruce's eyebrows shot up. "Really? I thought, I just thought, you know, well when you didn't say anything." 

Anya silenced him by putting her lips on his. They were as soft as they looked, and she relaxed into him, feeling the warmth as he put his other arm around her and they kissed for several long seconds. She felt her new Identity clank into Bruce's. Anya tried to memorize everything about the moment, her first kiss. She felt a little dizzy, and lighter than the low-gravity of the school hall.

And here’s a bit from one of my all-time favorite books, The Hero and the Crown, by Robin McKinley:

“Yes-of-course-I’ll-marry-you,” said Aerin, and when he caught her up in his arms to kiss her she didn’t even notice the shrill pain of burst blisters.

Less than I thought, actually. I’ll have to dig around and see if there’s one more kiss elsewhere in the book, but… well that’s one example from a Newberry winner published in 1984.

A book I read recently had a different (more along the lines of modern sensibilities, frustratingly) take. I joke that it seems like it oculdn’t figure out if it was a fun steampunk adventure tale, or YA bodice-ripper. For example:

“Her laughter brought a smile to his lips that made Charlotte’s breath quicken. 

“Shall I take you upstairs?” Jack asked. Something about the question sent warmth pooling into Charlotte’s belly. 

“Please,” she whispered. 

Jack kept her hand in his as he escorted her up the grand staircase. They stopped at her bedroom door, shrouded in darkness. 

“Charlotte,” Jack murmured. 

She could barely make out his face, but she felt his hand against her cheek. Without thinking, Charlotte leaned her cheek into his palm, turning her face so her lips brushed the heel of his hand. She heard Jack stifle a groan. 

Charlotte quickly straightened, shocked by her own behavior. What had she done? Was she so wanton as this? She’d practically swooned into Coe’s arms earlier that night, and now she was playing the seductress with Jack. 

“I should say good night.” Charlotte’s voice cracked. 

But the weight of Jack’s hands rested on her waist, then moved to her lower back, drawing her forward. The silk of her gown rustled when her body pressed against his.

(and then our young lovers get interrupted, THANK HEAVENS since I was feeling a little over-warm just re-reading that passage.)

This is a book with 16 year-old protagonists, set in an alternative history America of the nineteenth century (with all the steampunk trappings.) In the fourth chapter Charlotte more-or-less does a striptease with Jack, pushing the sexual tension far beyond my comfort level for a book that is advertised as an alt history adventure/thriller. (The book is The Inventor’s Secret by Andrea Cremer. There really isn’t anything wrong with it other than my complaints about this overly mature content in a book marketed in a young-tilting way, but your mileage may vary.)

Last example is from Princess Academy by Shannon Hale, also a Newberry Honor book.

Peder shook his head as if giving up on words, reached out and took her hand. Miri bit her lip to keep herself from pulling away. She was certain he could feel her heartbeat in her fingers and would know that inside she was trembling and sighing. Then after a time she stopped worrying. She could feel his heartbeat, too, and it was as fast as a fleeing hare.
 When they entered the village, Peder still kept hold of her hand. Frid stared as they passed, Esa blushed for them, Gerti and her three younger sisters giggled and chased after, chanting about a kiss for every miri petal. Twice Miri relaxed her hand in case he wanted to leave her, but he held on even tighter.

No kissing at all, as it turns out, but the scene shows a great example of saying much without saying much at all. By this point in the story we know the characters quite well and the reactions of Frid, Esa, and Gerti are as important as the main character, Miri’s, thoughts about holding hands with Peder.

So there are three really different examples from books all aimed at a 12 and up audience. What are your thoughts on kissing or public displays of affection in YA and MG fiction?