I had to modify my post this week. I wrote it out when I was really tired, and
when I looked over it later, I just didn’t like how it turned out. I wrote a list of all the things I did that
day in order to show why I didn’t have time to write a decent post. Now, if I had been Sheena, it would’ve been
hilarious, but alas, I am not Sheena, and my list was kind of boring, which I
suppose is somewhat a reflection of my life.
I just had one of those days where I felt like I worked all
day long and accomplished nothing. I
have those far too frequent. The time
just flies by and those little things that should only take a minute seem to
take up huge chunks of time. I’m sure
everyone has days like that.
Anyway, it was a bit cathartic for me to map it out, to try to figure
out where my day went, but I don’t think it worked well as a blog post, so rather
than cringe every time I see it up there, I thought I’d just hash out a
new one real quick.
There are no big writing lessons in this post, just a
general rant about how hard it is to find time to write. In looking my day laid out, I could see
little moments here or there where I could’ve done more and been more
productive, so it is helpful to examine your day and see those missed opportunities. But sometimes those moments are needed. Perhaps I’m a wimp, but I need a little
downtime here and there to kind of recuperate and get back out there.
I always get a little frustrated when I see the writing
advice to treat writing as a job, to buckle down and get serious and write,
write, write, and read, read, read or you will never make it. The problem is I would love to do that. I would love to spend eight hours a day reading
novels and writing, but the time just isn’t there. I’m a stay at home mom
and I know so many people in our society don’t take that job serious, but honestly, my job never ends. I am at work and on call all day and all night. Every day, including vacations. All parents do this. Working parents work all day and care for
kids at night. There isn’t room to treat
writing as a second job because unless you beg or pay someone else to watch
your kids, you are taking care of them.
You are working.
I’ve tried to get serious and push harder and just neglect the
house, the kids, and the husband a little to get more writing done. It took me a week before I could feel a
tension in the house, and my poor husband got the worst of it. I gave him very little time, and the time he
got was me being crabby and frustrated because I was still falling behind on all
my imaginary deadlines. After a week, I
knew I couldn’t keep it up. It was hurting
everyone around me including myself, and I wasn’t even getting paid for it.
I know that there are writers out there who are stay at home
moms just like me and get a lot more writing done than I do, and I’d love to
get some tips if you have any to share.
I heard Stephenie Meyers wrote Twilight in three months while taking care
of more kids than I got, and the youngest was a toddler. To me that is just amazing. How did she do that? But I'm not sure what she did would work for me for me and my family (although I’m willing to try
any suggestions). We are all so different. The bottom line is
that I just have to have patience and do the best I have with the time I got.
I still believe and hope (fingers crossed) that as my kids
get older, I’ll have more time for writing.
Hopefully if I ever get a contract, I’ll have figured out how to be more
productive, and if I get enough money coming in, maybe I could even afford to
hire a babysitter here and there and a maid service to get a little more
writing time. Dare to dream.
So, I’d still love to hear from all you writing parents out
there. How do you find the time to write?
~MaryAnn
I hear you on finding time to write when you have kids. I thought it would get easier when they were older. Only not. Now three are in college, but living at home (thanks to a great university down the street). It makes it much cheaper and easier, but I still have no time. My latest plan is to write my youngest does homework--we sit together and work.
ReplyDeleteYou're ruining my fantasy that this parenting thing gets easy at some point, but I guess not. :)
DeleteThat is pretty cool that you do your work along side your youngest. I look forward to the day when their working on homework doesn't involve me.
Life does get hectic sometimes...
ReplyDeleteYes it does. :)
DeleteMy latest plan involves scheduling actual "work hours" for writing. But I haven't done it yet...
ReplyDeleteThat is a great idea. After I get the kids to school, or sometimes just kid one since kid two only goes three days a week, would be a good time to write. The problem is that at that point I feel like I have all day to get things done, so I have a hard time getting to work. But I really should try that.
DeleteIs it considered writing if you are falling asleep as you scribble it down, and can't for the life of you make it out the next morning? No? Then I haven't had time to write anything this week. Don't be too hard on yourself. I'm sure you have been trying to get your daughter's birthday stuff taken care of this week. (My daughter turned 3 yesterday and I have barely had time to sleep let alone write.) If you ever figure out how to balance it all out, let me know! Or better yet, write a book about it and make millions.
ReplyDeleteLOL, Trisha. I've done that too. :)
DeleteYeah, the birthday party is taking up a lot of my time this week. Happy belated birthday to your daughter.
Oh MaryAnn, I'm so with you. Yesterday I had a great writing day, and a horrible parenting day. All of my children complained that I was ignoring them, my son even said, " I like to be with you at 100%, but today I only was with you maybe 10%" And then before he went to bed, he said, "I don't feel any joy, today." Soul crushing guilt.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to wear two hats at once, because one of those hats must be squashed. You have to choose which hat you are going to wear on top.
I've heard a good time to write is to set the alarm and wake up early, before the kiddos wake up and demand breakfast. And there's always movies and Children's television, and video games. My computer is in our t.v. room, and I can zone out children's television like nobodies business.
In general, I think it's about balance, and consistency. But if that doesn't work, just remember, eventually, and sooner than we can imagine, those nuisances will be grow up and out of our house. When we have all the time in the world to write, I'm sure we both will miss playing barbies, or evil princesses, or cleaning up Popsicles.
Thanks Sheena. It is nice to know I'm not alone in this. I've had those heart breaking moments too when one of my kids makes me realize I've neglected them too much for a day, so I understand. That balance is hard to find.
DeleteI'm not a morning person, but I should try waking up early and seeing if that works. I am sure it will beat falling asleep while writing which I've done, just like Trisha. I do write while they watch TV sometimes, but I also need to use that time for making meals and cleaning house. I really need a self-cleaning house. :)
But you are right, soon they will be grown. It seems like only yesterday they were taking their first steps, and now my baby is in pre-school. It goes by too fast, and I know I'm going to miss playing evil princesses when they start texting 24/7 and begging to borrow my car.
Times and seasons, I guess. My problem is that my brain doesn't create on demand. I may have an hour free at 10am, but often my poor noggin is empty. Then fabulous prose comes as I'm driving the kids around and is lost by the time I reach paper and pencil. Not sure how to solve that, either.
ReplyDeleteAnd Sheena, I like the wake up early thing, but I'm already up at 5am getting kids ready to go. Bedtime often after 11pm. There's got to be a solution somewhere.
Great post, and good to know we aren't alone in the struggle.
Susan, I'm convinced I do my best writing while driving too. Unfortunately I never get any of it written down, so I'll never know for sure. :)
DeleteI thought the first post was just fine. It made me smile, and appreciate all over again how much moms can do in a day! I then felt a little silly for all the things I do to distract myself from writing when I have all of this free time. A kick in the pants like that is good from time to time!
ReplyDeleteThanks Sabrina. :)
DeleteI vaguely remember those days when my life was still my own. I remember being pretty busy then too. I don't think that we parents are the only ones who struggle to find time to write, but I do think that being busy all day and accomplishing very little or even nothing at times is something that stay at home moms experience more often than others.
It's a whole new post! But I like it, because it made me think about my writing...
ReplyDeleteBeing a writer has helped my kids to learn writing skills and given them a desire to write. It's helped them to believe in their own dreams. When they see that I value myself enough to do these things for me, they will learn to value themselves enough to do what they need to for themselves. These are fantastic things for children to learn. As long as you can find a balance most of the time, it's not only OK for your children, it's a truly valuable learning experience, especially if you talk to them about it, and teach them how they can give you the space you need to grow too. That doesn't make it less tricky, but it's nice to keep in mind.
That said, how do I find balance? It's certainly not the best way, but nearly every thing I've written has been a project--Nanowrimo plus a month to finish a first draft, and then a long writing sabbatical while I pick up the pieces of my life. Then months of editing at a slower pace, but still...I always know it is something I'm not going to keep up over the long haul. As a stay at home mom of four kids, it helped to be able to know, "I can get this editing done in three weeks, and then I'll forget I'm a writer for a while, and focus on being a mom."
This collaboration we're doing has opened up my eyes to some new possibilities though--how about a deadline of one chapter every three weeks? I write the actual chapter in about 5 hours, but that leaves me 20 days to think about the possibilities, all while doing motherly things.
Thanks for sharing Melanie. I've never thought about what my writing and trying to achieve my dream might be teaching my kids. Great point.
DeleteI tend to read in spurts like you do with writing because I can get very addicted to a book and end up ignoring all things living and nonliving. The house falls apart, the kids are starving. So I have to take breaks from reading. Writing isn't quite that addictive to me because I usually get stuck at some point and remember to check on the kids or do dishes.