50

First off, this month my parents celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. That's really quite a milestone.

Second off, not too long ago, Melanie had a great post about choosing and un-choosing. Together these things got me thinking about how writing is like marriage. (Or maybe it's more like children - all those unforgettable firsts, but also all the seemingly unending messiness and sleep deprivation.) But, seeing as how it's my parents' anniversary, I guess I'd better stick with the marriage analogy. And, anywho, children are a decision you make once, and then, well, you're sort of stuck with them, aren't you? Writing and marriage are things that take rededication every day.

So, according to this Reader's Digest article, here are three things that couples who reach the 50 year mark do - and, from me, how, just maybe, they relate to writing.

1) The Past: Revel in success and don't dwell on failures.

It makes sense, doesn't it? Remembering the good things (counting your blessings) is a clinically proven way to increase happiness. Wouldn't it also increase your happiness together? You can't change the past, so why let worry over it gobble up your future?

In writing, those who succeed seem to be the ones who can roll with the rejections and keep trying (haven't you heard of big name authors whose walls are plastered with rejection slips like badges of honor?).

2)  The Present: Spend time together, just the two of you. Make time to explore,  take trips, go on adventures. Dream together.

The same article suggested making sure to sit down next to your loved one every day. Just sitting. Because you can't just sit. You end up talking, or holding hands - renewing that connection. A gentleman I once worked for told me the secret of his long, happy marriage. Every night after dinner he and his wife would take a walk, just the two of them. The time to share their day, stretch their legs, enjoy new scenery - it was priceless. 

So, in writing, the only times I'm sure my writing won't happen is when I ignore it. Stephen King, and I bet most successful authors, sit down each and every day to spend some quality time with their stories, to explore, take trips, go on adventures. Dream.

3) The Future: Always plan forward.

This was an interesting tidbit of advice. If spouses are always looking forward together, I bet it would be a lot harder to let things slip in the here and now.

Do you write visualizing The End, or putting the manuscript in the (e)mail, or getting the offer for a book deal? I bet if I did that more often it would help motivate me with 2) The Present and spending time with my writing every day.

So, there you go, just like Scrooge, the past present and future (of writing and marriage) all in one night.

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad.

And Happy Writing to you all.

~ Susan

Book Review: The War of Art

Every once in a while, a book shows up just when you need it most. Maybe at some other time in your life, its impact would be just so-so. But in that moment, it really speaks to your soul. Right now, The War of Art, by Steven Pressfield is that kind of book.

My husband has both a voracious appetite for books and a wide range of interests (Just how did I luck out and get him? I don't know, but I thank my lucky stars every day). Not too long ago, he plunked down the War of Art in front of me and said, "You should read this." Now, I'm not nearly as much of a non-fiction reader as he is (especially self-improvement books - all I usually take away is a big dose of guilt), but I remembered Sheena's excellent post about The Art of War and acquiesced.

The War of Art (subtitle: Break Through Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles) turns out to be a fascinating book. The premise is best summed up in the prologue:

Most of us have two lives. The life we live, and the unlived life within us. Between the two stands Resistance.

~ Stephen Pressfield, The War of Art

Everyone has something inside that they dream of doing, whether it's art, singing, running, or for us here at the Prosers, writing. In Pressfield's vocabulary, Resistance is the thing that keeps us from writing the words we want, from sticking to (or even starting) that diet or exercise plan, from accomplishing all those good intentions that sit warm and cozy in the back of our mind and never get done. We might think it's external things that hold us back, but most of the Resistance is really found within ourselves.

Mr. Pressfield is a Marine turned writer of military fiction. As you can imagine from his background and the title of his book, he sees the struggle with Resistance as a true battle, and the imagery is prevalent throughout. 

The book is divided into roughly three sections.

1. Resistance: Defining the Enemy
2. Combating Resistance: Turning Pro
3. Beyond Resistance: The Higher Realm

In many ways, the first section is set up like a series of proverbs - short pieces, less than a page long, that help define each aspect of Resistance and how it affects our ability to do the work. The second section discusses the mindset needed to overcome Resistance - an idea that I find quite compelling. The last section covers the things that keep you going.

I've found myself going slowly over the book and contemplating how it relates, not only to writing, but to other things I've always 'wished' I could do, but never seem to accomplish. I will also admit here, that in savoring it, I'm giving this review prematurely - I haven't finished the book yet, so I hope there aren't any surprises at the end!

If you find yourself at war with your dreams, if you find yourself struggling to get up and work toward your goal, this book may give you some insight and encouragement to keep moving forward. This one will definitely go in my reread pile.

~Susan

Are You Happy?

My sister and I are psychic.

No, really.

We can go for months without the merest contact, and then when we finally get on the phone, we've somehow been thinking deeply about the very same stuff. It gets creepy weird sometimes.

This past week was not creepy weird, but it was...enlightening, to say the least. My sister and I, for some reason, had both been pondering what it means to be happy. What makes you happy? Can anything 'make' you happy or unhappy, or is it a state of being?

She suggested I watch the movie, Happy (and since it's on Netflix, how could I refuse?). And now, I'm offering it up as a suggestion for all you Prosers out there. After decades of research into depression, this, finally, is a fascinating glimpse into the mental and biological reasons for happiness.

One of the most interesting parts was the discussion of happiness in relation to extrinsic and intrinsic goals. Per the movie, extrinsic goals are things where value is found outside the person. They broadly include such things as:

Image
Money
Status
Praise
Reward

Intrinsic goals meet a basic human psychological need and have meaning regardless of external circumstance. These include:

Personal Growth
Personal Relationships
Service or Helping Others and the Community

This has plenty to do with regular everyday life. Research has found, that after basic needs are met, people are not made more happy by wealth, status or praise. Rather, it is the wealth of the intrinsic goals that creates a rich life. The movie chronicles rickshaw drivers, surfers, and African nomads who all count themselves as very fulfilled and happy, not because of the outward (extrinsic) trappings of their lives, but because of the joy they find in family and community and personal fulfillment. It was really quite eye opening.

The other epiphany I came to as I watched this movie is how this might also apply to writing. I know we would love to have our books picked up by a major publisher, maybe a nice advance, maybe even fans (how 'bout a movie deal thrown in?). But what if seeking after extrinsic goals will never turn us into happy writers? It reminded me of the story Stephen King tells of getting a huge desk and putting it in the middle of his room after his first big breaks. Now he was A Writer. But after he had his own epiphany, the big desk was dumped, and a small desk installed in the corner of the room. Because, he said (something to this effect, I don't have the quote on me), writing is a part of life, it is not Life. I also loved Trisha's post 'In Which I Don't Write' and her conclusion, that she has to write because she just likes it. In other words, it makes her happy.

Can writing lead to personal growth? Oh, yeah. All that imagination and those great story ideas roiling around in your head - it's intoxicating, isn't it?

Can it enhance personal relationships? Uh...maybe? I spend a lot more time staring at the screen these days. But it's been fun to see each of my kids pick up a passion for writing their own stories. And my hubby is fab. And there are such great writing communities around (like the Prosers!).

Does it help others? I think it can. We've had several discussions here about books that have touched our lives at just the right moment to make a difference, and how much we would like to give that gift to others, too.

I guess, the thing I took away from this, as far as writing is concerned, is similar to the conclusion MaryAnn came to, and Trisha, and Sheena, and Melanie, and Sabrina - you have to write first and foremost for yourself, for your love of your story, and because you are happy when you do it.

~ Susan

What I just finished reading: Code Name Verity, by Elizabeth E. Wein - wow. just wow. read this. really.
What I'm reading now: A Confusion of Princes, by Garth Nix
What I'm listening (and cleaning) to: Tenth Grade Bleeds, by Heather Brewer
What I'm writing now: A blog post. Oh, you mean writing...the end of chapter 20 / 62K.